Writing a book description that sells

Let’s talk about book blurbs. You know, the little description on the back of the book covers. If you’re browsing a bookstore, it’s what’s going to help sell you on that book. If you’re browsing on Amazon or on another retailer online, you’ll see that description on the web page as well.

They are incredibly important in communicating what the story is all about so that people will hopefully buy the book if they’re interested.

In this episode, I thought I would just walk you through my formula philosophy, how I go about crafting them for my own books and for other books published at Lost Island Press.

I’ve got my papers spread out in front of me here, and I’m going to break down the changes that I made for three different books. The last one is going to be my very first novel, Leaving Wishville. The first is for a book called My Brother’s Spare.

So, let’s read the original blurb from 2021.

Valeria Anson has always been one in a set. Her and her twin brother sharing everything from clothing and toys to their mother’s womb. But the one thing they didn’t share was the searing image of their mother’s brutal murder. One that haunts Valeria every night without fail.

Almost a decade has passed since their mother’s untimely demise. And despite their father’s role as Viscant and chief of the King’s Imperial Force, the masked killer has never been caught. still free to roam the snowy streets of Nieve. Although her father and brother have given up hope of locking the killer behind bars, Valeria refuses to let the case go.

But the road to the truth is a lofty one. Her secret investigation leading her to Alias Black, the most infamous hitman in the kingdom. While associating with the dreaded killer goes against every one of her beliefs, the heartless assassin may be the key to finally tracking down the masked murderer that lurks in her dreams.

Lying to her family by day and working with Alias Black by night, Valeria must now walk the thin line between right and wrong, justice and revenge, dreams and reality.

As the unlikely pair slowly crack the case, they unravel a truth they never could have imagined, not even in their darkest nightmares.

A heart-wrenching and thrilling debut, My Brother’s Spare weaves together fantasy and reality, trust and betrayal, and the twisted truth that lurks beneath every cobblestone.

So, let’s go through this. Typically, with the comparison structure, you’ll say sharing everything from clothing and toys to blank and blank, but it goes straight into to their mother’s womb. No second option. So, it kind of breaks the traditional structure. It’s not necessarily hard to understand. You can use your context clues, of course, but something just seems a little off about the phrasing. You just don’t want readers tripping up at all.

Searing image of their mother’s brutal murder. Searing and brutal, I think, could be cut. Almost a decade has passed since their mother’s untimely demise. And despite their father’s role as Viscount and Chief of the King’s Imperial Force, the masked killer has never been caught, still free to roam the snowy streets of Nieve.

Okay, so there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, almost a decade has passed. That’s the only piece of information we really need. Since their mother’s untimely demise, we can infer. Despite their father’s role as Viscantin chief, okay, so we have information about her father. It shows us that this killer is obviously very hard to catch because her father is powerful and yet he’s still roaming the streets. So, it does a little bit of work. However, I don’t think it’s necessary. And then the last part that I would cut is still free to roam the snowy streets of Nieve. You’re not trying to really set the scene or use cinematic writing. The goal is to communicate this conflict and this emotion with as few words as possible in my opinion.

That’s my approach to going about this. So those three paragraphs right now make up the setup.

Next we have number two in the formula which is conflict. So here it is.

Although her father and brother have given up hope of locking the killer behind bars, Valeria refuses to let the case go. But the road to the truth is a lofty one. Her secret investigation leading her to Alias Black, the most infamous hitman in the kingdom.

I like communicating the information that her father and brother have given up. So, this is really setting up her in conflict with her family as well. But the road to the truth is a lofty one. I would cut. Let’s just get to the point.

While associating with the dreaded killer goes against every one of her beliefs, the heartless assassin may be the key to finally tracking down the masked murderer that lurks in her dreams. I would remove masked because we’ve already established that he wears a mask. And I might even consider removing the fact that associating with the killer goes against her beliefs because we know that her mother was murdered. She’s probably against murder, right?

And then we get to escalation which basically takes the conflict and paints how the conflict is going to get even worse. What type of problems might result from it?

Lying to her family by day and working with Alias Black by night, Valeria must now walk the thin line between right and wrong, justice and revenge, dreams and reality.

I like the phrase lying to her family by day and working with Alias Black by night. I really like that. we see kind of what her daily life is going to look like and that this can’t last. Walk the thin line between right and wrong. Justice and revenge, dreams and reality. So, we’re really playing with a few different ideas here. And the most important one is really justice and revenge. Dreams and reality is also a big part of it. However, we haven’t discussed that anywhere in the blurb yet. So, the reader doesn’t really know how it ties in.

And then we get part four of the formula, which I call marketing salad. You’ll recognize this immediately.

A heart-wrenching and thrilling debut, My Brother’s Spare weaves together fantasy and reality, trust and betrayal, and the twisted truth that lurks beneath every cobblestone.

I’m not a huge fan of how it repeats that same structure, fantasy and reality, trust and betrayal. We already had that earlier, right and wrong, justice and revenge. So, it’s repetitive from a structural standpoint. I was trying to add a little world building that was unnecessary. For example, weaves. I thought that was clever because there’s this term in the book called dream stitching. So, I was like, “Oh, I’ll throw in the word weaves there.” And then the word cobblestone. I was trying to implant a little bit more information about where the story takes place. It’s just not necessary from a broader standpoint.

I just don’t really like these phrases anymore. I think they’re outdated in terms of book marketing. You know, you write a killer book blurb, you end on a strong note, and then the reader is immediately taken out of whatever emotion you want them feeling. Oh, here’s some marketing copy.

So, now that I’ve outlined all the things that I like and don’t like, I’m going to read you the new version, which has been extremely trimmed down.

So, this version is the 2026 rewrite.

Valeria Anson used to be one half of a whole. She and her brother shared everything. Clothes, toys, even a birthday. But that changed when a masked man murdered their mother, a memory her twin doesn’t share.

Nearly a decade has passed. While her father and brother have long given up, Valeria can’t stop searching for the culprit. Her secret investigation leads her to the infamous hitman, Alias Black, her last hope.

Lying to her family by day and hunting with Alias Black by night, Valeria walks the fine line between justice and revenge. Just how far will she go to catch her mother’s killer?

It doesn’t feel like it’s lacking in a lot of things that the original has, but it’s so much shorter. It just communicates the same information in a much more efficient way. You’ll notice that I changed the structure from uh clothes and toys to their mother’s womb. that was altered and changed to clothes, toys, even a birthday. The fact that the killer wore a mask that’s only mentioned once, cut out a lot of world building. Overall, just just trimmed out all of the fat to really focus on the core idea of what the story is all about.

So, that concludes our first rewrite.

The next one is for Lone Player.

To manage overpopulation, citizens are marked with playing card tattoos, and an annual draw from a deck determines who the Chaser Corps exterminates. Eddie resents her pro-chaser father for expecting her to join the Corps. Her true desire is to become an illegal healer to save her best friend Margot, who hides her chronic illness to avoid a death sentence.

Determined to follow her heart, Eddie defies her father by secretly dodging the Chaser Corps entrance exam and aligning herself with the rebels, where one wrong move could have dire consequences.

Margot’s twin brother, Ren McLellan, longs to become a chaser, despite his hatred for the inhumane organization. Playing a role in population control as a member of the Corps would secure his immediate family immunity and protect Margot’s life. His secret decision to take the entrance exam challenges his family’s anti-chaser principles, and receiving his acceptance letter plunges him deeper into a moral crisis.

Although Eddie and Ren despise each other, their shared love for Margot compels them to strike a deal. Ren will devote his life to the Corps, while Eddie will risk her life with the rebels. Together, they weave an intricate web of falsities to keep their families in the dark.

But as they dive deeper into opposing sides, doubt threatens their fragile alliance. Will their bond prove strong enough to shatter the system, or will the weight of their lies turn them against each other?

Let’s start critiquing it. The first sentence is very tight and I would argue that it’s actually too tight. With all of the blurbs, I usually write, you know, these full versions and then I write a one-s sentence pitch. This was the one-s sentence pitch. I essentially thought, oh, it actually works as the first sentence quite well. I think it would benefit from not being as tight to letting it breathe a bit more.

Next up, we have the introduction to Eddie. So, this is introducing the conflict, right? Eddie resents her pro-chaser father for expecting her to join the Corps. In that paragraph, we learn that her true desire is to become an illegal healer. I didn’t feel the need to explain the whole fact that Margot is hiding her chronic illness to avoid a death sentence. To someone with no context about the story, it it’s almost like its own new conflict. It seems like it’s unrelated to the whole like playing card tattoo population control thing. And so when I was first going to attack the rewrite, I said, “Okay, that definitely needs to be tied in.”

Determined to follow her heart, Eddie defies her father by secretly dodging the Chaser Corps entrance exam. I think it’s unnecessary to mention the entrance exam.

Then we get the next block of conflict. Margot’s twin brother, Ren McLellan, longs to become a chaser despite his hatred for the inhumane organization. I noticed when I reread this that once you get to this block, you kind of have to refresh your mind on, oh, who is Margot? It’s pretty easy to use your context clues to understand that, but it just takes an extra moment to process, oh, Margot is the friend that Eddie is trying to save who has the chronic illness. So, you kind of have to piece that together.

I’m just thinking in my head, is there an easier way to communicate that playing a role in population control as a member of the Corps would secure his immediate family immunity and protect Margot’s life? So, I would probably be more specific about how it’s protecting Margot and maybe gloss over the whole family immunity thing. Just say that somehow his role in the Corps would allow him to get Margot immunity so that she can’t be killed for her chronic illness.

So, now we get to the escalation part, which is the two final paragraphs here.

Although Eddie and Ren despise each other, their shared love for Margot compels them to strike a deal. Ren will devote his life to the Corps, and Eddie will risk her life with the rebels. Together, they weave an intricate web of falsities to keep their families in the dark.

Okay, why are they working together or teaming up? Weren’t they going to go about these plans anyway? I would actually opt to not mention that they team up at all.

But as they dive deeper into opposing sides, doubt threatens their fragile alliance. Will their bond prove strong enough to shatter the system? Or will the weight of their lies turn them against each other?

The prior paragraph is really creating this conflict about the fact that they’re spinning this web of lies. This next paragraph is introducing a completely different problem which is oh are they perhaps getting brainwashed by the sides that they’re on and they’re going to betray each other in some way. And so I would avoid having two different types of conflicts that are explored and instead focus just on the falsities aspect.

So now that we’ve critiqued that let’s dive into the final version. This one is 184 words.

Every citizen is marked with playing card tattoos, one for each wrist. On New Year’s Eve, two cards are drawn, and those with matching tattoos are exterminated by the Chaser Corps. The healthy face the lottery once a year. The chronically ill are removed the moment they’re discovered. Both are justified as responsible resource management in an overpopulated country with limited supplies.

Eddie Voclain tells her family she’s training to become a chaser. It’s the highpaying, respected career her father always wanted for her. In truth, she’s risking her life with the rebels as an illegal healer to cure her best friend’s hidden disease.

Ren McLellan tells his rebel aligned family he’s attending school because they’d never accept him becoming a chaser. But he’ll do anything to save his twin sister. By joining the Corps, he’ll earn her immunity so she can never be executed for her condition.

Together, Eddie and Ren live double lives on opposite sides to protect the same person. Margot McLellan, friend to one and sister to the other. But lies don’t last forever, and defying a ruthless system could cost them everything.

The setup is just much clearer. Every citizen is marked with playing card tattoos on each wrist, and then on New Year’s Eve, two cards are drawn. we get a bit more of a story that plays out in the mind and then we we link that idea with the fact that people who are chronically ill are killed once they’re discovered and we link that by showing that there that both of those things are the solution to the same problem which is overpopulation and limited supplies in this country.

So, the setup now is longer than it was before, but it really ties in these concepts so that the rest of the blurb can hit harder.

In this new version, we didn’t link everything to Margot. So, the original version says, “Save her best friend, Margot.” Right off the bat, that’s used as an anchor point for the next paragraph when it says, “Margot’s twin brother, Ren.” So, we see how these two characters are related. But in the new version, Eddie and Ren could be two independent stories, right? Until we get to that final paragraph, which has the big reveal. Together, Eddie and Ren live double lives on opposite sides to protect the same person, Margot Mleen. And it leads the reader to wonder, uh-oh, like they’re protecting the same person in different ways. Is this going to backfire? Are their goals going to conflict with each other?

So, now we get to Leaving Wishville, which is my debut novel. It was published in 2020, and this was the first book blurb I ever wrote.

10 years ago, Scott Marino disappeared from town without a trace. His son, Benji, now 14, is the only person daring enough to approach the border. Although his best friends are eager to help him move on, he can’t shake the feeling that his father is still out there.

Everyone in town says it’s impossible. They believe Scott’s disappearance proves the world outside of Wishville is unservivable, but he questions their reasoning.

When his friend’s sickly little sister claims to know what others don’t, Benji’s life is thrown into chaos. With time against him, and his curiosity stronger than ever, he knows what he must do.

Leaving Wishville might be his only chance for freedom, but it may also cost him his life.

A colorful and chilling debut Leaving Wishville dives into a sea of forbidden curiosity, unavoidable grief, and the dangers of discovering the truth.

I’ll start by saying that I really like the opening line. I think it works as a great hook. My real problem with this blurb, though, is the escalation paragraph. When his friend’s sickly little sister claims to know what others don’t, that is a pretty crazy new direction that the blurb goes in. I want to remove the part about the little sister, about the slight supernatural aspects that might be involved.

I want to just simplify it, focus on the core conflict, which is Benji wants to leave. No one wants him to leave. Right? That’s really the core conflict of the story.

Leaving Wishville might be his only chance for freedom, but it may also cost him his life. If you read the story, you’ll notice that it’s actually quite a soft story. It’s it’s it’s really focused on the emotions of Benji. The conflict is less physical or life-threatening and it’s more emotional. He is getting in arguments with his mom. He is having conflict with his friends who are trying to get him to stop trying to leave town.

I thought that I had to make the story more intense than it really was. I had to say like, “Oh, I promise this is a really intense story. His his life is on the line.” That resulted in people reading the book who ended up disappointed because they thought that the stakes would be higher.

This blurb really taught me that it’s it’s not just about making the book sound good. You need to communicate it as accurately as possible. And that comes down to the vibe of the story and what you choose to focus on.

And then we get to the last paragraph.

A colorful and chilling debut, Leaving Wishville, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Marketing salad. I hate it. I hate it. It’s just a bunch of word vomit of stuff that people might like. Throw in some tropes. Throw in some adjectives and adverbs. I’d cut it. Cut it.

Let me read you the new version.

10 years ago, Scott Marino vanished from Wishville without a trace. Venturing beyond the small coastal town is considered a death wish, especially after he never returned on the day he promised.

Only his son Benji, now 14, refuses to believe the rumors. He can’t shake the feeling that his dad is still out there, an idea his mom shuts down constantly. While his friends urge him to face reality, Benji packs for yet another escape attempt.

Leaving Wishville isn’t easy when the people who love him will do anything to keep him home for his own safety, they say.

I love this one so much better. It really focuses on Benji versus the town. I’m not like dangling this carrot and being like, “Oh, but he could die. This is dangerous. There’s going to be some fight scenes or something.” It’s really focusing on the small town mystery framing, which is much more fitting. It’s going to attract the right people.

So, there you have it. That is my philosophy behind writing book blurbs. I use the formula setup, conflict, escalation, and I’ve now cut out the marketing salad, which leaves us with a nice three, the trinity of a solid book blur, one might say. But as you can see, even if you have a good structure in place and you follow the formulas that you read online, it’s still not going to get you to the cleanest product, you have to really workshop it. These rewrites took hours. Each one took hours.

If you have a few different angles to attack the story with, write them separately. Don’t try to jam it all into one. You want three simple book blurbs and then maybe you can show them to friends, do a little vote, that sort of thing.

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